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Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17405) - you deserved it (114176)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

#16495261
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11423) - you deserved it (114069)

On 06/04/2011 at 5:36am - love - by PizzaBoySwag (man) - United States (California)

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

#627489
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17796) - you deserved it (114051)

On 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by biggmouth - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

#2987164
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26014) - you deserved it (113918)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8772) - you deserved it (113884)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20233) - you deserved it (113858)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19292) - you deserved it (113717)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8201) - you deserved it (113612)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

#333328
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16533) - you deserved it (113517)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:22am - love - by UH-OH (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

#616637
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11718) - you deserved it (113317)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32903) - you deserved it (113193)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

#16997621
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8062) - you deserved it (113101)

On 07/06/2011 at 5:17am - health - by Fmylife (woman) - United States (Washington)



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