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Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14452) - you deserved it (101458)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

#1600117
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16483) - you deserved it (101000)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:05pm - misc - by htothecr (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

#14578612
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6032) - you deserved it (100423)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:43pm - money - by calidumbass - United States

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

#5811871
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7866) - you deserved it (100293)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

#14747577
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7871) - you deserved it (99981)

On 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm - love - by peeoncarl1111 - United States

Today, I was taking an exam and I knew I was unprepared, so I wrote some cheat notes on my ankle. As I cross my legs to look at my notes, I realize I wore tall boots to class. I can't even cheat properly. FML

#1018681
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10972) - you deserved it (99943)

On 04/16/2009 at 12:21pm - misc - by Joe (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

#2311636
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11861) - you deserved it (99532)

On 05/26/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by Wick (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5801) - you deserved it (99443)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26250) - you deserved it (99367)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

#4832941
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12855) - you deserved it (99141)

On 08/26/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26463) - you deserved it (98724)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

#1418421
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10502) - you deserved it (98494)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:08am - health - by david - United States (Colorado)



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