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Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

#14179571
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6413) - you deserved it (109201)

On 12/12/2010 at 2:36pm - misc - by dumbass1991 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16511) - you deserved it (109125)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML

#37
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23936) - you deserved it (108909)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by VIVI -

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then proceded to joke about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

#627489
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16395) - you deserved it (108889)

On 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by biggmouth - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17161) - you deserved it (108623)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

#18217676
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8573) - you deserved it (108405)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

#16997621
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7315) - you deserved it (108254)

On 07/06/2011 at 5:17am - health - by Fmylife (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

#333328
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14858) - you deserved it (108163)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:22am - love - by UH-OH (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7160) - you deserved it (107515)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7520) - you deserved it (107095)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

#14578612
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6914) - you deserved it (107040)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:43pm - money - by calidumbass - United States

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18982) - you deserved it (106913)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States



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