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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

#14179571
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6411) - you deserved it (109174)

On 12/12/2010 at 2:36pm - misc - by dumbass1991 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16506) - you deserved it (109092)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML

#37
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23933) - you deserved it (108852)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by VIVI -

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then proceded to joke about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

#627489
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16386) - you deserved it (108840)

On 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by biggmouth - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17157) - you deserved it (108604)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

#18217676
373 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8569) - you deserved it (108376)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

#16997621
390 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7314) - you deserved it (108233)

On 07/06/2011 at 5:17am - health - by Fmylife (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

#333328
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14854) - you deserved it (108150)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:22am - love - by UH-OH (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7155) - you deserved it (107467)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7519) - you deserved it (107070)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a rude awakening after a traffic accident the day before. I'd fled the scene to avoid having to pay hefty damage fines. I would have gotten away with it too, if my license plate hadn't fallen off and incriminated me. FML

#14578612
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6911) - you deserved it (106999)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:43pm - money - by calidumbass - United States

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18978) - you deserved it (106876)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

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