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Friday 20 December 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

#21000259
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41220) - you deserved it (4396)

On 12/21/2013 at 2:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

#21007355
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44834) - you deserved it (5107)

On 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

#20999827
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46349) - you deserved it (4054)

On 12/21/2013 at 1:26am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

#21001530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38202) - you deserved it (3853)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, it was safe to say I started sleepwalking again, after I woke up with a mouth filled with soil and a ravaged plant. FML

#20995711
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36506) - you deserved it (3215)

On 12/17/2013 at 10:38am - health - by adventurousnightsbutnotinagoodway (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

#20997867
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42215) - you deserved it (4331)

On 12/19/2013 at 8:48am - misc - by sammers27 (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got a ransom note saying, "We have kidnapped your husband and won't release him unless you postpone the wedding." The wedding is tomorrow and it was in his handwriting. FML

#20998964
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49613) - you deserved it (3990)

On 12/20/2013 at 9:51am - misc - by oh why... (woman) - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47290) - you deserved it (5725)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, like every day since I was born, my name is Yarenis, pronounced "ja-ra-nees. For some reason, everybody pronounce it "your anus". FML

#21003362
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38310) - you deserved it (5266)

On 12/24/2013 at 5:45am - misc - by yarenis - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

#21003528
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39966) - you deserved it (10475)

On 12/24/2013 at 11:53am - animals - by PityKitty (woman) -

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

#21007608
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40882) - you deserved it (5291)

On 12/27/2013 at 8:37pm - animals - by eyes wide SHIT (woman) - Australia

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51524) - you deserved it (14879)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

#21001381
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39204) - you deserved it (9298)

On 12/22/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel



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