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Tuesday 9 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

#20783919
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48008) - you deserved it (8453)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:46am - misc - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40879) - you deserved it (8481)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

#20774058
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57920) - you deserved it (5239)

On 07/10/2013 at 10:18am - love - by Paige (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

#20775563
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28870) - you deserved it (37532)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41819) - you deserved it (5328)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my 11-year-old daughter heard the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML

#20784969
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49901) - you deserved it (4379)

On 07/15/2013 at 8:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's, cornered me in the kitchen and called the cops. My crime? Robbery, of my own house. FML

#20786208
64 comments

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45949) - you deserved it (8993)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

#20786957
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59464) - you deserved it (4662)

On 07/16/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by me:( - United States (Michigan)

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42883) - you deserved it (5766)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

#20772295
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31269) - you deserved it (46479)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by embarrassed niece (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43660) - you deserved it (13487)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46928) - you deserved it (3315)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)



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