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Tuesday 9 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

#20783919
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47115) - you deserved it (8325)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:46am - misc - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45783) - you deserved it (8981)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

#20772295
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30134) - you deserved it (45181)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by embarrassed niece (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I finally got my laptop back after my friend broke it a few weeks ago. As I walked back into our place with my laptop in my bag, the same friend burst out and tackled me. My bag fell and slammed into the floor. Guess who has to pay for another repair. FML

#20772448
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49790) - you deserved it (4239)

On 07/09/2013 at 1:51pm - misc - by random person - United States

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42620) - you deserved it (13185)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

#20774202
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46795) - you deserved it (3304)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:33pm - misc - by my honest father - United States (Kansas)

Today, a coworker complimented me on losing weight, and said that she wished she could drop a few pounds too. I was too embarrassed to tell her that the only reason I've lost weight is because I haven't been able to afford to eat. FML

#20775505
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55558) - you deserved it (3486)

On 07/11/2013 at 2:20am - work - by shouldbehappyiguess (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

#20775563
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28400) - you deserved it (36922)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I was eating a corndog, when my boyfriend jokingly told me to "take it deeper". I did, and ended up choking and throwing up all over the table. FML

#20775966
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25988) - you deserved it (49120)

On 07/11/2013 at 1:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

#20777593
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20365) - you deserved it (49407)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by hellbound (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41681) - you deserved it (5323)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML

#20782409
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52545) - you deserved it (3455)

On 07/14/2013 at 4:08pm - love - by WTF (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while lifeguarding at my local beach, I noticed someone having difficulty swimming back to shore. I ran out and swam him back to shore. Once we were on dry land, he cussed me out for "emasculating" him in front of his girlfriend. FML



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