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Tuesday 9 July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after my parents left for the weekend, my "friends" decided to throw a party at my house despite my protests. In order to get them to leave, I called the police. I was the only one arrested, while they got warnings. FML

#20783919
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48158) - you deserved it (8469)

On 07/15/2013 at 7:46am - misc - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. His reason was that my laugh is really annoying and makes him want to "stick a baby in a blender". FML

#20786622
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46075) - you deserved it (9014)

On 07/16/2013 at 4:32pm - love - by ... cheers (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

#20787181
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40996) - you deserved it (8491)

On 07/16/2013 at 9:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I arrived in Germany for a summer-long stay. The family I'm supposed to stay with had said they spoke fluent English. They don't. I don't speak German. It's going to be a quiet two months. FML

#20772031
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43011) - you deserved it (5780)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by traveling -

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43791) - you deserved it (13521)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I found out my boyfriend regularly has his ex stay over. They even share a bed. He doesn't see a problem with this. FML

#20774058
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58100) - you deserved it (5246)

On 07/10/2013 at 10:18am - love - by Paige (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML

#20775563
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28947) - you deserved it (37631)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

#20777593
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20650) - you deserved it (50128)

On 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm - misc - by hellbound (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

#20777932
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43418) - you deserved it (5480)

On 07/12/2013 at 4:15pm - misc - by O_O (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's, cornered me in the kitchen and called the cops. My crime? Robbery, of my own house. FML

#20786208
64 comments

Today, I went to the grocery store with my husband, only to find that his ex-wife worked there. Then I found out he never actually divorced her. FML

#20786957
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59614) - you deserved it (4671)

On 07/16/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by me:( - United States (Michigan)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43894) - you deserved it (4919)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying" encounter after we stupidly forgot to turn off the baby monitor. FML

#20772295
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31525) - you deserved it (46836)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:15pm - intimacy - by embarrassed niece (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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