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Monday 24 June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML

#20758994
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44654) - you deserved it (8828)

On 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm - intimacy - by whorecrux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

#20744309
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44060) - you deserved it (4380)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:06am - kids - by NYCproblems - United States (New York)

Today, I had to go to therapy for my fear of cats. All the way there, my girlfriend kept making cat noises and scratching at me. FML

#20748338
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38774) - you deserved it (7563)

On 06/26/2013 at 12:42pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was diagnosed with strep throat. My mom wasted no time accusing me of whoring around and claiming that most people get strep from performing oral sex. FML

#20750267
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41727) - you deserved it (2961)

On 06/27/2013 at 12:58pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Finland (Western Finland)

Today, after working at my job for months, I quit. Why? My boss tried to convince me that we are in a secret relationship after he told me he loved me. FML

#20751768
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42232) - you deserved it (2756)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:23am - work - by unknown relationship - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom left for a bachelorette party. She forgot a gift, so she called me and made me go into her closet, pick out a sex toy from the "box of gag gifts", and bring it to her. Should I pick anal beads or a cock ring? FML

#20744678
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54475) - you deserved it (4454)

On 06/24/2013 at 2:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

#20745099
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47949) - you deserved it (5970)

On 06/24/2013 at 7:24pm - love - by afraid of flying too - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a "vacation." Our wedding is tomorrow. FML

#20750126
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52267) - you deserved it (3616)

On 06/27/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Guntherdog - United States

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my family. They didn't even notice me there until the dog started barking at me because I took his spot. My mom defended the dog, and now I'm sitting on the floor while a Pomeranian takes up half the couch for himself. FML

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

#20746764
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34984) - you deserved it (2962)

On 06/25/2013 at 4:43pm - misc - by mymomplucksbutthair (woman) - United States

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

#20748724
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40940) - you deserved it (4484)

On 06/26/2013 at 4:33pm - intimacy - by theunluckylifeofme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I cleaned up my brother's room, since he's moved out. Under the bed I found a Doritos bag full of used condoms. FML

#20749135
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57604) - you deserved it (6454)

On 06/26/2013 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by the_lonely_life - United States

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

#20756478
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39699) - you deserved it (3244)

On 06/30/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by thefuck (man) - Ireland (Cavan)



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