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2day my new landlord and lettings agent made an illegal entry into my house. Unfortunately, at the time my boyfriend was buck naked, smoking a joint on the sofa, surrounded by the cats we aren't supposed to have. big fat FML
Today.. . tings got pretty steamy between my boyfriend an me . We started doing stuff tat neiter of us ad tried before . Ten.. . e straddled me wit a raging erection an boomed.. . ( IT HAS RISEN! ) He didn't understand y I was suddenly no longer in te mood . FML
Today , it's mah wedding day. I have a cold sore that makes me look lyk The Joker. Make-up won't cover it and the emergency medicine mah doctor gave me only rritates it more. My future husband asks , "Why so serious?" and laughs whenever he sees me. Fantastic. fat FML
Today , My Bathroom Floodd . I Frantically Cleand My Apartment As Fast As I Could Before The Plumber Arrivd . Everything Was Finally Clean When I Let Him In . It Wasn't Until After He Finishd That I Noticd I'd Left My Anal Beads In The Shower . There's No Way He Didn't Notice . Mega FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML
TODAY, A FRIEND AND I WERE WALKING AROUND A FESTIVALHEN OUT OF NOWHERE A GIANT BUG HIT ME IN THE FACE. I WENT INTO INSTANT NINJA MODE, SCREAMING AND FLAILING. WHEN I STOPPED, I REALIZED IT WAS JUST A LEAF AND EVERYONE WAS STARING AT ME.
Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk !! As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told mah husband we should head home !! He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him !! mega FML
Today,hile he was eating chicken , one of friends asked me y I'm a vegetarian!! I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals r forced to live in!! He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals , their brds." FML
Friday 27 March 2015