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Sunday 14 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59702) - you deserved it (10730)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I told my dad I'm pregnant. His response? "It's only a phase, you'll get over it." FML

#20592767
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53011) - you deserved it (10207)

On 04/15/2013 at 2:04am - intimacy - by twinArmageddon2 - United States (California)

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68537) - you deserved it (17854)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

#20580194
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46638) - you deserved it (3208)

On 04/08/2013 at 2:12am - health - by chinatownhobo (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67649) - you deserved it (7182)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46821) - you deserved it (5492)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

#20607010
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55589) - you deserved it (6793)

On 04/20/2013 at 8:02am - love - by How strange - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49365) - you deserved it (7989)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39135) - you deserved it (8597)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43990) - you deserved it (8327)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40180) - you deserved it (19306)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44529) - you deserved it (6022)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)



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