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Sunday 14 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68733) - you deserved it (17886)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, I woke up to my brother chopping all my bangs off. When I yelled at him, he could only shout back, "You can see clearly now, the bangs are gone!" FML

#20599244
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49916) - you deserved it (8183)

On 04/17/2013 at 12:13pm - kids - by my dumb bro - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML

#20586362
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59867) - you deserved it (10749)

On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

#20580194
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47708) - you deserved it (3282)

On 04/08/2013 at 2:12am - health - by chinatownhobo (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and I told him I was close to having an orgasm. He smirked and started talking like Yoda, saying, "Strong with the cum, this one is". Orgasm gone. FML

#20583515
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49529) - you deserved it (8002)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by iwassoclose - United States

Today, I was about to break up with my psycho girlfriend. As I sat her down, she told me she wanted to show me something. She then took off her shirt to reveal my name tattooed across her chest. FML

#20595753
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68245) - you deserved it (7234)

On 04/16/2013 at 3:23am - love - by guess I'm stuck - United States (California)

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

#20604416
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46927) - you deserved it (5500)

On 04/19/2013 at 6:17am - work - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, while my boyfriend was in the kitchen, he got three text messages, all of which were from "Babe 2", "Babe 3", and "Babe 4". FML

#20607010
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55722) - you deserved it (6806)

On 04/20/2013 at 8:02am - love - by How strange - United States

Today, I played Call of Duty with my new flatmate. He continuously lost and was outraged that a girl beat him. It resulted in him shouting at me, claiming that since I'm Muslim, I must be part of the Taliban, which would explain my gaming skills. FML

#20584680
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44606) - you deserved it (8398)

On 04/11/2013 at 5:11am - misc - by zahra_786 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39941) - you deserved it (8706)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today, my Romeo and Juliet style relationship hit an all time low when my boyfriend's parents filed a lawsuit against my parents. FML

#20585611
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45503) - you deserved it (6117)

On 04/11/2013 at 8:40pm - love - by Juliet (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML



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