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Saturday 6 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

#20577137
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34319) - you deserved it (6369)

On 04/06/2013 at 4:51am - health - by aaaaahhhh (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML

Today, our guest lecturer told us to imagine 25,000 dead koalas in our lecture theatre, and if that didn't make us emotional then we didn't care about them. She then went on a rant, during which she encouraged us to join the "koala army". FML

#20580464
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28423) - you deserved it (2823)

On 04/08/2013 at 10:08am - work - by save the koalas? uhh - Australia (Queensland)

Today, trying to be friendly, I said good morning to the creepy guy at work. He responded by wordlessly hugging me. I was touched, until I realized he was trying to unhook my bra. FML

#20588922
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43829) - you deserved it (13500)

On 04/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at a porn store, a group of six people tried to return used toys and penis pumps. Even though you can't return any items, it's still an unfortunately common occurrence. The semen in these particular toys, however, is not. All of them began shouting at me for not refunding them. FML

#20569678
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36135) - you deserved it (4953)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:57am - intimacy - by ohgodwhyyoufreaks (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my racist, homophobic, generally degenerate grandmother visited. Within 20 minutes, she uttered multiple racial slurs, said Robert Downey Jr. will burn in hell for playing a black man in one of his movies, and yelled that she'd "whip the piss" out of me, after I asked her to leave. FML

#20584991
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32456) - you deserved it (3498)

On 04/11/2013 at 1:16pm - misc - by no tea parties here, gran (man) - United States

Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML

#20586109
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40769) - you deserved it (5658)

On 04/12/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. My family put a bouquet of balloons outside my room for me to find when I woke up. I walked out of my room, saw the balloons, screamed, and fell down the stairs. FML

#20587655
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37960) - you deserved it (21820)

On 04/13/2013 at 5:21am - misc - by really? - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs. My mom came running from the other room because she thought it was the dog. She rolled her eyes and walked away when she saw it was me. FML

#20588714
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41618) - you deserved it (7032)

On 04/13/2013 at 7:49pm - misc - by typical - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I seemingly decided not to remove my foot from the pedal-clip of my bicycle until I had properly introduced myself to the cement. FML

#20572944
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23056) - you deserved it (5741)

On 04/03/2013 at 8:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML

#20573161
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30654) - you deserved it (13509)

On 04/03/2013 at 12:57pm - misc - by nottoosmall - United States

Today, I had my first game ever as an ice hockey goalie. Our team didn't have a goalie helmet, so they gave me a regular one which didn't cover me completely. I was worried about it and told my coach, but he said I would be fine. I then took a puck to the throat that sent me to hospital. FML

#20574528
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38052) - you deserved it (4230)

On 04/04/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my twelve year-old son thought it would be a good idea to relentlessly shoot the mail truck with a paintball gun in front of all the neighbors. FML



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