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Saturday 9 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

#20539833
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23958) - you deserved it (50758)

On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30001) - you deserved it (6631)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

#20530358
186 comments

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

#20532334
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46800) - you deserved it (3920)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

#20543312
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33437) - you deserved it (2434)

On 03/14/2013 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia

Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML

#20538296
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15044) - you deserved it (46805)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:54pm - misc - by human lava lamp (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend and I were on my bed when things started getting hot and it began to shake. My little sister called the entire family to the hall to listen to "the frogs in the wall". FML

#20537793
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21208) - you deserved it (39463)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:41am - intimacy - by lolk - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

#20539298
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40207) - you deserved it (2493)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by cunts, cunts everywhere - Australia

Today, I invited my long-lost best friend over, because I haven't seen her much since she got a new boyfriend. 20 minutes into hanging out, he showed up at my door. He still hasn't left, and they're having sex on my couch right now. FML

#20540616
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56648) - you deserved it (7280)

On 03/12/2013 at 9:22am - intimacy - by kenleybunch - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

#20536957
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39858) - you deserved it (9235)

On 03/09/2013 at 12:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Pakistan

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

#20536784
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38812) - you deserved it (15792)

On 03/09/2013 at 8:35am - intimacy - by ShittyWalls (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46167) - you deserved it (4435)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I discovered the "may have a laxative effect" warning on my sugar-free jelly beans should actually read "don't fart after consuming". FML

#20543064
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28074) - you deserved it (4966)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:21am - health - by Kimberpoo (woman) - United States (California)



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