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Sunday 3 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32930) - you deserved it (3515)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

#20531170
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55359) - you deserved it (6455)

On 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm - intimacy - by Thankshun (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

#20536593
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51814) - you deserved it (3653)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:16am - love - by itsnotyouitsher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41838) - you deserved it (3251)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

#20529319
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33434) - you deserved it (6663)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:05am - love - by nerdgirlmickey (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31210) - you deserved it (6818)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17982) - you deserved it (37690)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

#20526546
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12233) - you deserved it (39862)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35185) - you deserved it (5828)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

#20530358
187 comments

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

#20532334
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47722) - you deserved it (3982)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

#20524572
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37686) - you deserved it (7530)

On 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Ugh (woman) - United Kingdom



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