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Sunday 3 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30199) - you deserved it (3800)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

#20536593
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42696) - you deserved it (2990)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:16am - love - by itsnotyouitsher - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

#20524572
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29408) - you deserved it (6488)

On 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Ugh (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

#20524189
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36490) - you deserved it (5848)

On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14928) - you deserved it (32530)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

#20525715
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21433) - you deserved it (3914)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:00pm - misc - by Neversleepingthereagain (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

#20526546
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9995) - you deserved it (34995)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

#20528775
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28954) - you deserved it (2997)

On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, and listening for his pulse with my stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjusted the cuff and tried again. Still no pulse. He pointed out that my stethoscope was the wrong way around and sneered, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

#20535043
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11634) - you deserved it (29749)

On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37211) - you deserved it (4402)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

#20538482
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33399) - you deserved it (3709)

On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

#20536585
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26965) - you deserved it (2964)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend a cute picture that I drew for him, with a little note saying "love you." He replied by sending me a picture of a nose hair he'd plucked, along with the caption, "longest one yet." FML

#20526473
70 comments


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