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Friday 1 March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

#20526546
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12245) - you deserved it (39881)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35243) - you deserved it (5836)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

#20530358
187 comments

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

#20532334
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47783) - you deserved it (3989)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

#20524572
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37686) - you deserved it (7530)

On 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Ugh (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

#20526083
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40093) - you deserved it (11663)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by useless pos (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, trying to be nice, I sat with the lonely kid at lunch. While eating, he started laughing and showed me his hit list. I was at the top. FML

#20524308
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36339) - you deserved it (5555)

On 02/27/2013 at 11:43am - misc - by dangerZone - United States (Georgia)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend asked me, "Are you sure you're a guy?" I still have no idea what that was for. FML

#20529151
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49068) - you deserved it (6195)

On 03/03/2013 at 7:17am - intimacy - by Ihatemylife (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47726) - you deserved it (4580)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

#20524344
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39322) - you deserved it (6375)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mom tried to convince my dad that I was a lesbian. Why? Because she was bored. FML

#20521518
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34969) - you deserved it (3751)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

#20528725
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14333) - you deserved it (76294)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:38pm - love - by douchegamer - New Zealand (Auckland)



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