Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Wednesday 27 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

#20530380
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46082) - you deserved it (5895)

On 03/04/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nopanties (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

#20532138
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31864) - you deserved it (12518)

On 03/05/2013 at 11:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38938) - you deserved it (9413)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

#20527973
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44297) - you deserved it (20271)

On 03/02/2013 at 10:32am - animals - by yikes - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text saying, "Your the best girlfriend any man could have, and I think I may be in love with you." Ten minutes later, she responded with, "*you're". FML

#20530358
183 comments

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

#20523889
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27719) - you deserved it (3748)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:50pm - misc - by Jan (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32005) - you deserved it (5399)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

#20524572
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34643) - you deserved it (7180)

On 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Ugh (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML

#20532338
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35822) - you deserved it (5422)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm - kids - by peace out - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

#20524189
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37843) - you deserved it (6050)

On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16216) - you deserved it (34631)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

#20526546
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10984) - you deserved it (37224)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, during a sleepover at my friend's house, I woke up in the middle of the night with a dire need to pee. As I walked in the dark to the bathroom, I saw a silhouette in a doorway and instictively screamed. Turns out it was my friend's sister's One Direction cutout. FML

#20525715
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24697) - you deserved it (4324)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:00pm - misc - by Neversleepingthereagain (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: