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Wednesday 13 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41099) - you deserved it (9800)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

#20502853
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11283) - you deserved it (36023)

On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML

#20510517
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33800) - you deserved it (5966)

On 02/17/2013 at 9:27am - misc - by omgstuupidd - United States (New York)

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML

#20508810
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43962) - you deserved it (2887) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm - work - by Nico - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

#20513075
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18227) - you deserved it (52315)

On 02/19/2013 at 1:19am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

#20507650
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34408) - you deserved it (10155)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:42am - animals - by bettercallpeta - United States

Today, I met my mother's deeply religious fiancé for the first time. His response upon seeing me was to look me square in the eye and say, "You'll need to take out that nose stud or I'm afraid you'll not be welcome in our home." FML

#20513141
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38701) - you deserved it (4313)

On 02/19/2013 at 2:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got my results on a recent, important midterm. During the exam, I'd noticed my instructor had accidentally left an answers page in the test packet, so being honest, I didn't look at them. It turns out she did it on purpose to help us pass. I failed. FML

#20515105
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35607) - you deserved it (14519)

On 02/20/2013 at 4:52pm - misc - by its ok to cheat!? - United States (California)

Today, it's my first day at a new school. I transferred here halfway through the year to get away from a girl who bullies me. She's apparently bullied her mom into transferring her here as well. FML

#20513405
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42479) - you deserved it (2915)

On 02/19/2013 at 12:05pm - misc - by SchoolSucks (woman) - United States

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

#20510258
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (19465)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32383) - you deserved it (7367)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

#20506101
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27027) - you deserved it (11373)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

#20508531
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28523) - you deserved it (4845)

On 02/15/2013 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Venezuela (Lara)



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