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Sunday 10 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

#20498051
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31176) - you deserved it (2444)

On 02/08/2013 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23626) - you deserved it (8811)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML

#20510517
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33800) - you deserved it (5966)

On 02/17/2013 at 9:27am - misc - by omgstuupidd - United States (New York)

Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML

#20508810
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43964) - you deserved it (2887) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm - work - by Nico - Sent from mobile version

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

#20507650
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36388) - you deserved it (10593)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:42am - animals - by bettercallpeta - United States

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26288) - you deserved it (8661)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

#20510258
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (19466)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

#20499439
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54523) - you deserved it (6250)

On 02/09/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

#20495286
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50847) - you deserved it (5835)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by frustrated! (woman) - United States

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32394) - you deserved it (7367)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

#20499258
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44183) - you deserved it (5658)

On 02/09/2013 at 7:00am - intimacy - by Lois - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I had to use a dictionary before I realized I was being flirted with. FML

#20506101
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27027) - you deserved it (11374)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:01am - love - by lex - United States



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