Saturday 9 February 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25703) - you deserved it (2804)
On 02/10/2013 at 5:41am - work - by screwed - United States
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27814) - you deserved it (2207)
On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was terribly late for class, so I rushed to the classroom door, thinking it was unlocked. I smacked face-first into the glass, and awkwardly fell to the floor. Once I got back up, I peeked through the glass, only to realise it wasn't even my class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21979) - you deserved it (5559)
Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25803) - you deserved it (1872)
On 02/16/2013 at 1:03am - kids - by Scarlett (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21976) - you deserved it (1930)
On 02/12/2013 at 12:55am - love - by BadLuckCarson - United States (Iowa)
Today, the company I was fired from three years ago merged with the company I work at now. The new owners' first order of business was to fire me again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37275) - you deserved it (2423) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 02/15/2013 at 8:37pm - work - by Nico - Sent from mobile version
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31584) - you deserved it (7827)
On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States
Today, I told my sister that boys are stronger than girls. She responded by beating the living crap out of me to prove me wrong. She's twelve. I'm eighteen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8799) - you deserved it (41177)
On 02/07/2013 at 1:57am - misc - by manhandled by a little girl (man) - United States (California)
Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24753) - you deserved it (27679)
On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9649) - you deserved it (24676)
On 02/07/2013 at 7:31am - misc - by chattyloz (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27197) - you deserved it (7446)
On 02/09/2013 at 12:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to explain to my white girlfriend that dating me doesn't give her the right to call my mother the n-word. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31970) - you deserved it (6281)
On 02/14/2013 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7353) - you deserved it (41020)
On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)
Monday 17 June 2013
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