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Friday 8 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy this past summer after our son was born and only took one of the two tests. I haven't cheated. He refuses to believe me or get his spunk checked again. FML

#20500417
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34441) - you deserved it (3295)

On 02/10/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by Totallyscrewed - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

#20493569
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30614) - you deserved it (6688)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

#20495286
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49268) - you deserved it (5676)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by frustrated! (woman) - United States

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

#20503300
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26185) - you deserved it (16803)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Thai rice mistake - United States (California)

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

#20507167
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12926) - you deserved it (40567)

On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, while at the store with my mom, we ran into the girl I recently confessed to being interested in. My mom decided to shout, "IS THAT HER?! IS THAT THE GIRL YOU LIKE?!" Embarrassed, I desperately told her to be quiet. She grounded me for being "rude" to her. FML

#20508609
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34871) - you deserved it (3315)

On 02/15/2013 at 7:39pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

#20494713
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22564) - you deserved it (8197)

On 02/05/2013 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19839) - you deserved it (40708)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML

#20499439
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52527) - you deserved it (6065)

On 02/09/2013 at 11:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML

#20507650
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34272) - you deserved it (10119)

On 02/15/2013 at 12:42am - animals - by bettercallpeta - United States

Today, I went to do my laundry. Having no laundry bag, I put clothes in a suitcase and headed to the basement. When my roommate saw me, she burst into tears with happiness. FML

#20496887
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28431) - you deserved it (5194)

On 02/07/2013 at 9:45am - misc - by BonGoWash - United States (New York)

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

#20503854
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26135) - you deserved it (6182)

On 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm - animals - by Doggotmytongue - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my mother has enough toys to open a sex shop. FML

#20499258
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41170) - you deserved it (5312)

On 02/09/2013 at 7:00am - intimacy - by Lois - United Kingdom (Manchester)



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