Choose the period

Tuesday 5 February 2013

Choose a category


Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

by halfmypaycheckgone / 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm / United States (North Carolina) / Money

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 2:46am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my mum came to my ballet class. She spent the whole lesson sitting at the back yelling at me to "stop sticking your butt out". My ballet instructor had to ask her several times to pipe down. FML

by embarassinggg / 02/06/2013 at 1:57pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to college on bike through snow and hail only to find out my professor can't make it to class due to the weather. She lives down my street. FML

by refticon / 02/06/2013 at 3:45am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, I had to drive to my workplace in blizzard conditions. Now that my 12 hour shift is over, I can't get out of the building, as the snow has blown into large drifts in front of the doors. I have to stay overnight until my next 12 hour shift. FML

by sonnyrosa / 02/09/2013 at 7:39am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had a half-hour conversation with my parents about going to college. I don't know what's worse, that they were trying to talk me out of it or that they're convinced that I'm going to get knocked up and drop out by the end of my freshman year. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2013 at 2:12am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

by akasoor / 02/10/2013 at 8:51pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, I had my gallbladder removed. I have a very painful incision in my belly that makes any kind of movement excruciating. I've had the hiccups 5 times so far. FML

by IHeartBlueJay / 02/08/2013 at 12:31am / United States / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML

by fineillpissthebedthen / 02/07/2013 at 5:56pm / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was partnered up with a girl in my art class, since the teacher had asked us to take turns drawing portraits of each other. I went first and felt pretty proud of how the drawing turned out. I showed it to her and she said "That's OK. I'm not good at drawing either." FML

by picasso / 02/05/2013 at 8:09am / United States / Work

Today, my maid of honor, who offered to take care of my wedding dress before the D-Day, left it near her open window during heavy rain. My dress is now ruined, and she's backed out due to stress. I'm supposed to be getting married tomorrow. FML

by Meaghan / 02/12/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm / United States / Health