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Saturday 2 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

#20493993
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9911) - you deserved it (50463)

On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42415) - you deserved it (9618)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML

#20487138
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12408) - you deserved it (36609)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21600) - you deserved it (43380)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML

#20487313
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38360) - you deserved it (2679)

On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia

Today, I was talking to the girl I really like, and she was telling me how crappy her day was. Trying to be nice, I gave her a back rub. I somehow managed to unhook her bra. FML

#20498998
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35737) - you deserved it (8718)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

#20496903
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41567) - you deserved it (3751)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:24am - misc - by GarageSallin (man) -

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26570) - you deserved it (3510)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

#20498051
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32641) - you deserved it (2546)

On 02/08/2013 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the guy that I've liked for a while but never had the courage to talk to was wearing a TARDIS shirt. I jokingly asked, "Are you the Doctor?" His response was for me to "Go away, f***ing nerd." FML

#20492128
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36879) - you deserved it (4460)

On 02/03/2013 at 9:16pm - love - by guessnot (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24457) - you deserved it (8983)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28553) - you deserved it (9108)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36525) - you deserved it (9455)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France



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