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Thursday 31 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26235) - you deserved it (8648)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

#20485216
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30568) - you deserved it (3136)

On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML

#20489268
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22733) - you deserved it (7141)

On 02/01/2013 at 5:53pm - health - by Awkward (man) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

#20490079
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39959) - you deserved it (9225)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24662) - you deserved it (4813)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24838) - you deserved it (9198)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

#20485810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31286) - you deserved it (3671)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34458) - you deserved it (9158)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

#20490556
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38475) - you deserved it (4971)

On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

#20491168
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26915) - you deserved it (7143)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

#20496903
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38016) - you deserved it (3422)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:24am - misc - by GarageSallin (man) -

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

#20486186
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28603) - you deserved it (1945)

On 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by jeoak - India

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

#20491267
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28469) - you deserved it (2780)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:58am - misc - by wetqueefa (man) - United States (California)



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