Tuesday 29 January 2013 
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Today, I was driving around with a few friends when one of them suggested we go in to an insurance company's office and sing their jingle. I'm an awful singer, so I was planning on lip syncing. Everyone else had the same idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9054) - you deserved it (28956)
On 01/31/2013 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31461) - you deserved it (1342)
On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29525) - you deserved it (2050)
On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30938) - you deserved it (7813)
On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41264) - you deserved it (2161)
On 02/02/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium
Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24281) - you deserved it (2622)
On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17893) - you deserved it (5305)
On 02/01/2013 at 5:53pm - health - by Awkward (man) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7340) - you deserved it (40945)
On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)
Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29643) - you deserved it (7517)
On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22703) - you deserved it (1487)
On 01/30/2013 at 2:52am - health - by Miss Blairgowrie (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31980) - you deserved it (3716)
On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34135) - you deserved it (2323)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:40am - intimacy - by Awkward... (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25497) - you deserved it (3121)
On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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