Monday 28 January 2013 
Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time
Today, my mum got a new blender. Dinner was roast beef, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkin, potatoes and water. In a cup. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29517) - you deserved it (2049)
On 01/31/2013 at 5:28am - health - by I'maboutobarf - Australia
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41244) - you deserved it (2163)
On 02/02/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium
Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24270) - you deserved it (2621)
On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I tripped while walking down a large flight of stairs. As I fell forward, I instinctively reached out and grabbed onto one of the guys walking up. I ended up taking him and two other people down with me, earning myself a great many disgusted glares as I dusted myself off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17891) - you deserved it (5304)
On 02/01/2013 at 5:53pm - health - by Awkward (man) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)
Today, after 2 weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29477) - you deserved it (7513)
On 02/02/2013 at 9:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I got my retainer fitted. It stimulates my gag reflex so badly that I gag every time I try so say anything with a 'P' in it. My orthodontist laughed and suggested I get a thesaurus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22701) - you deserved it (1488)
On 01/30/2013 at 2:52am - health - by Miss Blairgowrie (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31958) - you deserved it (3714)
On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, my sister's boyfriend called while she was out. The second I answered he tried to have phone sex with me. When I explained to him that I wasn't my sister and that we just sound the same on the phone, he replied, "Don't care, let's keep going." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33949) - you deserved it (2323)
On 01/29/2013 at 4:40am - intimacy - by Awkward... (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25477) - you deserved it (3119)
On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27416) - you deserved it (7963)
On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France
Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21235) - you deserved it (5066)
On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, after nearly 5 months of trying for a baby, I found out my wife has continued to take the pill as it gave her a better idea of her cycle and thus when she'd be "most fertile". FML
I agree, your life sucks (30833) - you deserved it (2544)
On 02/03/2013 at 9:17pm - intimacy - by jdrew32 - United Kingdom (Liverpool)
Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19766) - you deserved it (6199)
On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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