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Tuesday 15 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44195) - you deserved it (7504)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41051) - you deserved it (2775)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36873) - you deserved it (3850)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49040) - you deserved it (5892)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37676) - you deserved it (3892)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

#20460540
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43362) - you deserved it (4503)

On 01/15/2013 at 9:41am - kids - by Nightmare (woman) -

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

#20458937
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44676) - you deserved it (9256)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21358) - you deserved it (38929)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48259) - you deserved it (4094)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

#20462590
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41900) - you deserved it (3525)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

#20458655
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49424) - you deserved it (5928)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:56am - love - by shiney100893 (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)



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