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Sunday 13 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33471) - you deserved it (3264)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

#20450098
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10517) - you deserved it (61026)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:27pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

#20469543
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25849) - you deserved it (6688)

On 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was making wedding plans with my fiancé. His mother kept complaining about everything, and insisted it was pointless to plan because it's just our "first marriage." She then tried to convince him to dump me and move back in with her because "she's all he'll ever need." FML

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

#20446350
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29433) - you deserved it (3038)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States

Today, at an open mic comedy club, my jokes went down so poorly that someone decided to hurl a chair at me on-stage. FML

#20466782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29029) - you deserved it (14864)

On 01/18/2013 at 7:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Iceland

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

#20448091
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24431) - you deserved it (65194)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous001 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43782) - you deserved it (8321)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

#20454752
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24435) - you deserved it (9529)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

#20462057
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37450) - you deserved it (2764)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:36am - health - by Ari (woman) -

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

#20466661
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31404) - you deserved it (3300)

On 01/18/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by dpap - United States (Iowa)

Today, a four-year-old said a word that I didn't know the meaning of. I had to look up the definition. FML

#20465228
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16353) - you deserved it (34738)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm - kids - by walkingdictionary - Canada (Ontario)



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