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Sunday 13 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

#20456391
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34468) - you deserved it (4143)

On 01/13/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

#20457168
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20827) - you deserved it (25413)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

#20450046
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31522) - you deserved it (5967)

On 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm - kids - by loveyouson (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

#20450098
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8713) - you deserved it (54736)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:27pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I attended my aunt's open-casket funeral. My sister spent the first quarter of an hour neither grieving nor celebrating her life, but whining that the "cute" clothes my aunt was dressed in could have been handed down to her, instead of being "wasted". FML

Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML

#20469543
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24304) - you deserved it (6413)

On 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

#20446350
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (1981)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

#20446490
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9710) - you deserved it (30084)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by james88 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26234) - you deserved it (7320)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29489) - you deserved it (2934)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

#20458570
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29537) - you deserved it (7295)

On 01/14/2013 at 5:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14445) - you deserved it (29823)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31482) - you deserved it (4549)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)



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