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Saturday 12 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21304) - you deserved it (3350)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

#20447961
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40333) - you deserved it (1760)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:45pm - work - by whateven (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to go to a UV-light party dressed all in white. Before leaving, my little brother dumped a glass of tomato juice over my head saying, "Now you look just like a used tampon!" FML

#20456974
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32016) - you deserved it (3559)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by Mary - Czech Republic

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

#20453278
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30103) - you deserved it (6235)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Latina (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27103) - you deserved it (2116)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, my dad learned that it's possible to power a lightbulb with a potato. Since then, he's been going around the house removing all the plugs from the wall and plugging them into potatoes instead. He's absolutely baffled as to why it won't work. FML

#20450090
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22384) - you deserved it (1681)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:23pm - misc - by Darkandcold - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15953) - you deserved it (28339)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while out grocery shopping together, my mom decided it was a great time to describe in vivid detail how, when she was breast feeding me, milk would pour out of her nipple piercing holes. FML

#20457723
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27409) - you deserved it (2372)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Gingerdoesafacepalm (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after getting into an argument with my dad, he told me that I would make a great ex wife one day. FML

#20467602
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23038) - you deserved it (5005)

On 01/19/2013 at 8:51am - love - by Claire - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

#20466682
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31820) - you deserved it (1619)

On 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm - misc - by mel (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32196) - you deserved it (5768)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

#20450521
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30739) - you deserved it (4172)

On 01/09/2013 at 6:55pm - love - by GDBeast (man) - United States



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