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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML

#20451321
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24605) - you deserved it (7051)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:28am - kids - by Facepalmum (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

#20466682
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34145) - you deserved it (2285)

On 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm - misc - by mel (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, my boss "borrowed" my prescription sunglasses off my desk. She crashed her car because they made her dizzy, and thinks I should pay for the damages. FML

#20447961
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42545) - you deserved it (2180)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:45pm - work - by whateven (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML

#20452996
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42774) - you deserved it (5705)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

#20454752
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22216) - you deserved it (9156)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, while out grocery shopping together, my mom decided it was a great time to describe in vivid detail how, when she was breast feeding me, milk would pour out of her nipple piercing holes. FML

#20457723
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31688) - you deserved it (3244)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Gingerdoesafacepalm (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24487) - you deserved it (4167)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML

#20453278
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33629) - you deserved it (6687)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Latina (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML

#20447288
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39277) - you deserved it (7717)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML

#20448490
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24525) - you deserved it (4497)

On 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm - animals - by life// (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18065) - you deserved it (37033)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24525) - you deserved it (3878)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML

#20463921
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25881) - you deserved it (2404)

On 01/17/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by Mizzaroo - United States (Washington)



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