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Thursday 10 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML

#20453308
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32654) - you deserved it (4910)

On 01/11/2013 at 6:36am - love - by GiraffeLover - Australia

Today, I learned my neighbor can access my wireless printer from his house after it started printing off pictures of what I'm assuming is his penis. FML

#20461046
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34051) - you deserved it (6066)

On 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm - intimacy - by itsrathersmall (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my girlfriend came back from visiting her family. She'd forgotten to take her pills, and decided to "catch up" by taking almost a week's worth of birth control and prescription pills. She's fine, but I had to convince the ER staff that she's not suicidal, just stupid. FML

#20462590
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33659) - you deserved it (2885)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:26pm - health - by SF49 - United States

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (5384)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)

Today, my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend got into a fight about when my birthday is. They were both wrong. FML

#20464240
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34017) - you deserved it (3652)

On 01/17/2013 at 9:06am - love - by EmberLove (woman) - United States

Today, my grandfather asked me why the broccoli I served for dinner was white. I told him it was cauliflower. He would't believe me, accused me of being a Russian spy, and stormed out. FML

#20461359
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25798) - you deserved it (1834)

On 01/15/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by veggieluver (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw Les Misérables. I was singing along to one of the songs when the guy next to me dumped his soda over my head and told me to shut up. FML

#20447311
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13384) - you deserved it (82725)

On 01/08/2013 at 12:34am - misc - by maddiecat - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

#20452044
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27251) - you deserved it (4233)

On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24671) - you deserved it (10453)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

#20451178
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30627) - you deserved it (665)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Amy (woman) - United States

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

#20458512
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26582) - you deserved it (4700)

On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25256) - you deserved it (4811)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)



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