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Thursday 10 January 2013

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Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 5:43am / United States / Work

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2013 at 7:41am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 1:42am / Transportation

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

by EffUrEll / 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my friend bleach my hair, which resulted in it falling out in clumps. I spent $150 at the beauty salon fixing it and cutting most of it off. I sent the pictures of my new hair to my friends, and I got the same reply from each and every one of them: "That better be a wig." FML

by goodlord12 / 01/17/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying: "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

by movingbuddy / 01/08/2013 at 8:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

by Anonymous / 01/10/2013 at 1:13am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2013 at 2:02am / Israel / Miscellaneous

Today, while living in Florida, I had a conversation with my mother explaining that it might be best for me to come back home. Her response, "Don't worry, they have plenty of homeless shelters down there if you need a place to stay." Thanks Mom. FML

by living_thedream / 01/14/2013 at 1:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be sweet, I told my girlfriend that I'm so happy we met one another. She muttered, "Well, that makes one of us." FML

by wtf did i do?? / 01/11/2013 at 5:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

by I'm screwed / 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, management told me that I couldn't have a doorbell on my door. How did they get my attention to tell me this? By ringing my doorbell. FML

by pigtails / 01/16/2013 at 7:21am / United Kingdom (Norfolk) / Miscellaneous