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Tuesday 8 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML

#20450521
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38315) - you deserved it (5786)

On 01/09/2013 at 6:55pm - love - by GDBeast (man) - United States

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

#20445898
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24333) - you deserved it (1976)

On 01/07/2013 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML

#20455625
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31352) - you deserved it (3069)

On 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm - misc - by fucking mafia or what?? (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27068) - you deserved it (5306)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

#20450098
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9877) - you deserved it (59082)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:27pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Connecticut)

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

#20457168
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25348) - you deserved it (34303)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while at work, a Beatles song came on the radio. I jokingly said, "These guys are pretty good, are they new?" Everyone thought I was being serious, and now they're convinced I'm an idiot. FML

#20446711
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15966) - you deserved it (32111)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by EffUrEll - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

#20456391
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39503) - you deserved it (4635)

On 01/13/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

#20450046
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32877) - you deserved it (6130)

On 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm - kids - by loveyouson (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30033) - you deserved it (7857)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, my mum excitedly discussed with me the prospect of starting a mother-son YouTube duo. Thinking she was joking, I went along with it. She is now installing a 24-hour webcam in the house to record our conversations, which she perceives as hilarious, and is going to upload them. FML

#20458570
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31917) - you deserved it (7633)

On 01/14/2013 at 5:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was babysitting, and a little girl asked for help with her homework. I cheerfully began an explanation, only to freeze mid-sentence. I could not for the life of me remember how to do long-division. I'm about to graduate from Cornell University, and her little brother had to correct me. FML

#20459773
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29788) - you deserved it (9270)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:52pm - kids - by IvyLeague? - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

#20446350
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27298) - you deserved it (2847)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States



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