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Sunday 6 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

#20458013
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27601) - you deserved it (1961)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:36pm - misc - by PeeFlavouredFloss (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

#20438564
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9986) - you deserved it (30535)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

#20434488
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26729) - you deserved it (1703)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

#20454196
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30817) - you deserved it (2412)

On 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm - work - by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends (woman) - United States

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

#20457387
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28796) - you deserved it (1537)

On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

#20433657
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24911) - you deserved it (3859)

On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28743) - you deserved it (5419)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

#20442876
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13160) - you deserved it (2307)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, after 3 years with my dream girl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit and everything, by the park bench where we had our first kiss. She came home tired and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

#20444582
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23002) - you deserved it (2991)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36691) - you deserved it (2015)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

#20438971
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26653) - you deserved it (1399)

On 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm - animals - by Anon. -

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

#20434205
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29937) - you deserved it (2762)

On 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

#20451265
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23522) - you deserved it (4351)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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