Tuesday 1 January 2013 
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Today, I realized my girlfriend makes the same exact noises in bed and when she eats. I don't know if I'm a really good cook or a really bad lover. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19527) - you deserved it (2277)
On 01/06/2013 at 8:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29378) - you deserved it (6433)
On 01/02/2013 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32258) - you deserved it (5771)
On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my 24-year-old brother again yelled at me for looking at him while he was on the toilet. It'd be easier not to if he didn't sit on the toilet with the door wide open, and if the bathroom wasn't directly opposite my bedroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25524) - you deserved it (2278)
On 01/02/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18800) - you deserved it (1590)
On 01/07/2013 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34025) - you deserved it (1329)
On 01/02/2013 at 5:31am - love - by alynna007 (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7398) - you deserved it (22557)
On 01/06/2013 at 7:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I was walking my dog when he decided that he was too lazy to continue walking. It ended up with me looking like a crazy dog lady carrying my medium-sized dog home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19858) - you deserved it (3396)
On 01/08/2013 at 6:56pm - animals - by life// (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21930) - you deserved it (1328)
On 01/03/2013 at 3:35pm - kids - by PrezKisame (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20511) - you deserved it (3709)
On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)
Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21570) - you deserved it (4453)
On 12/31/2012 at 2:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21187) - you deserved it (1942)
On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States
Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37998) - you deserved it (2046)
On 01/01/2013 at 2:50am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 20 May 2013
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