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Tuesday 1 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't ave a air tie... so I used a tong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daugter. I trew on my clotes... drove to pick er up... went to te store... and went fir ice cream... tong still in my air. mega FML

#20438564
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12841) - you deserved it (42165)

On 01/02/2013 at 12:33pm - health - by Embarrassed - United States

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache!! FML

#20442876
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20202) - you deserved it (3834)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, after 3 yeres with mah dream grl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit an everything, by the park bench where we had our frst kiss. She cummed home tred and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML

#20444582
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29836) - you deserved it (4547)

On 01/06/2013 at 3:49am - love - by ItRainedOutside (man) - United States (Florida)

Today... within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight... the guy sitting next to me pickd an eyelash he found on my face... stard at it fir a few seconds... and stuck it in his mouth. FML

#20447129
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42817) - you deserved it (2432)

On 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm - misc - by legitweirdo - United States (New York)

Today, I have been single and out of the game 4 so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36639) - you deserved it (6257)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today , I was having sex with new boyfriend , and I realizd that he enjoy making arplane sound effecthile inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruind.

#20443434
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30738) - you deserved it (5241)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, mah dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

#20438971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33039) - you deserved it (2094)

On 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm - animals - by Anon. -

TODAY... I WENT TO BED WITH A BRA ON. I WOKE UP WITH NO BRA ON. MY BROTHER HAD A FRIEND SLEEP OVER LAST NIGHT. I WONDER WHERE MAH BRA WENT. FML

#20434205
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36124) - you deserved it (3856)

On 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, as I have been looool for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with mother, she yelld, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

#20434659
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48078) - you deserved it (7205) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by aelia_oups - Sent from mobile version

Today, ma boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. Wen I signed te paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand er writing, wic apparently said se was getting treated for "dangerously low level of dick". FML

#20434482
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9564) - you deserved it (21668)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:42pm - work - by offtothejobcentre (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

yesterday ma skydiving instructor casually remarked tat e looool wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to ma back teole way down. FML

#20434488
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36432) - you deserved it (3247)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm - intimacy - by _The__Doctor_ (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her she really was a girl and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34.

#20444863
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26646) - you deserved it (8047)

On 01/06/2013 at 12:24pm - love - by lifsabtch (man) -

YESTERDAY I GOT SO DRUNK THAT I DECIDED IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GET NAKED AN JUMP ON A TRAMPOLINE IN THE BACK OF A NEIGHBOUR’S GARDEN. SAID NEIGHBOUR IS A POLICE OFFICER. FML

#20438400
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9105) - you deserved it (41374)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:01am - misc - by AmberHavoc - United Kingdom



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