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I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't ave a air tie... so I used a tong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daugter. I trew on my clotes... drove to pick er up... went to te store... and went fir ice cream... tong still in my air. mega FML
Today, after 3 yeres with mah dream grl, I decided to pop the question by making her complete a scavenger hunt ending in her finding me, suit an everything, by the park bench where we had our frst kiss. She cummed home tred and, instead of following the clues, decided to watch TV all day. FML
Today, mah dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML
Today, ma boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. Wen I signed te paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand er writing, wic apparently said se was getting treated for "dangerously low level of dick". FML
Today I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her she really was a girl and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34.
Friday 27 March 2015