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Monday 26 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21011) - you deserved it (2931)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, my son turned 8. We watched as he unwrapped a $55 Nerf gun, extra 'bullets', new shoes and a school bag with his favorite TV character on the front and a action figure inside. As he finished he looked me straight in the eyes and says, "That's great ma, but seriously what'd you get me?". FML

#20187584
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33239) - you deserved it (11161)

On 12/02/2012 at 3:19am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyed, I turned around and ranted about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explained that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. FML

#20183504
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9006) - you deserved it (87779)

On 11/29/2012 at 12:29am - misc - by Mimi - United States

Today, my friend spilt orange juice all over my iPad. She then went ahead to clean it off by rinsing it with water. FML

#20187648
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26730) - you deserved it (2599)

On 12/02/2012 at 5:16am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26759) - you deserved it (3193)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

#20184947
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24864) - you deserved it (5604)

On 11/30/2012 at 1:30am - misc - by Awks - Australia (Victoria)

Today, to scare my little brother I dressed up as the killer from the Scream movies. The outfit was a little too long on me, and I ended up falling down the stairs. Not only was he doubled over laughing, but so were the people in the emergency room. FML

#20186785
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8903) - you deserved it (26137)

On 12/01/2012 at 3:21pm - health - by fieldmarshalclitter (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24757) - you deserved it (3957)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

#20189050
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22692) - you deserved it (1599)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by poopsthegame - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I had just had a shower, when I noticed that the mix of my shower gel and deodorant smelled like Lynx Dark Temptation. I was happy, as this is my favourite men's deodorant, until I realised I was happily sniffing my own boobs because they smelled like my ex-boyfriend. FML

Today, my parents heard from my sister that I'd recently lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I've never been bitched out so viciously in my life, and yet my sister, whom everyone knows has had numerous casual sexual partners this year, is treated like a princess 24/7. FML

#20188038
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27853) - you deserved it (2263)

On 12/02/2012 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

#20182157
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27747) - you deserved it (2635)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by boo8713 (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

#20185812
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7921) - you deserved it (31535)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm - misc - by goodbye cruel world (man) - United States (California)



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