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Sunday 25 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

#20177960
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8549) - you deserved it (32673)

On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

#20188746
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23444) - you deserved it (2368)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

#20176987
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23850) - you deserved it (2447)

On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

#20182587
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6433) - you deserved it (43436)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:09pm - health - by Widowmaker - United States (Nevada)

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

#20172556
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21706) - you deserved it (4248)

On 11/21/2012 at 3:43pm - work - by jobsearching (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

#20170222
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29755) - you deserved it (16017)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

#20178576
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22694) - you deserved it (1512)

On 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm - misc - by Username (woman) - United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne)

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

#20182185
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32375) - you deserved it (3009)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

#20169340
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34807) - you deserved it (4318)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

#20187746
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23162) - you deserved it (1982)

On 12/02/2012 at 9:05am - misc - by Sam - United States (Indiana)

Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

#20174862
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29938) - you deserved it (4656)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today, my friend spilt orange juice all over my iPad. She then went ahead to clean it off by rinsing it with water. FML

#20187648
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26690) - you deserved it (2595)

On 12/02/2012 at 5:16am - misc - by Ashley - United States (California)



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