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Saturday 17 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

#20169340
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34468) - you deserved it (4295)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States

Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML

#20164653
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22074) - you deserved it (1447)

On 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML

#20161561
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7003) - you deserved it (29064)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:23am - work - by foreveralone (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

#20165849
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27398) - you deserved it (5329)

On 11/16/2012 at 8:06pm - work - by wow @ creepy fuckers (man) - United States

Today, I asked my manager if wearing makeup was a requirement for the job. She told me, "Not if you're naturally pretty... So for you, yes". FML

#20166313
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25142) - you deserved it (3032)

On 11/17/2012 at 4:15am - work - by satega - United States (Missouri)

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

#20167023
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14484) - you deserved it (22909)

On 11/17/2012 at 5:31pm - kids - by susan (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at the library using a computer to order a package. A man sat down next to me mumbling to himself while staring at me. As I got up to go to the printer, he pointed at me and screamed, "I will burn you alive and enjoy it!" All of my info including my address was still on the computer screen. FML

#20161493
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21706) - you deserved it (4579)

On 11/13/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by sarahcurtis213 - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

#20174862
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27374) - you deserved it (4331)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today, my friends and I went out to dinner. Being short on cash, I suggested a game where we put our phones in the center of the table and first to check their phone had to pay the bill. Our conversation died out, and fearful of having an awkward silence, I checked my phone. FML

#20160706
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5936) - you deserved it (48655)

On 11/12/2012 at 5:08pm - money - by dgilbs - United States (Michigan)

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

#20169569
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21161) - you deserved it (2300)

On 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment, in the middle of the night. FML

#20175516
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21950) - you deserved it (1317)

On 11/23/2012 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18658) - you deserved it (16249)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

#20162223
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7454) - you deserved it (29357)

On 11/13/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Z - Australia



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