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Monday 12 November 2012

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Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

by Emily / 11/12/2012 at 1:12pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I came home to find that my girlfriend had repainted my bedroom. As she had offered to do it, it shouldn't have been a problem. However, she decided to return the several unopened cans of off-white paint that I'd bought for something "more neutral." Like "Sunset Orange." FML

by spaceforrent / 11/16/2012 at 12:51am / United States / Love

Today, I have a tooth infection that's spread to my jaw and ear. It hurts so badly that I'm practically in tears. Today's also the day I found out I'm allergic to the medication I was prescribed. Everything hurts, I'm covered in hives, and I can't stop throwing up. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2012 at 7:30pm / Croatia (Primorsko-Goranska) / Health

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

by rubberduck1 / 11/16/2012 at 12:04am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

by bummed and broke / 11/13/2012 at 1:24pm / United States / Money

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

by Superman / 11/15/2012 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

by soldnone / 11/18/2012 at 5:02am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2012 at 2:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML

by woman / 11/17/2012 at 3:45am / United States (Wisconsin) / Health

Today, I went to see my favorite band. It was all amazing and great until I decided to go crowd surfing. I was maybe too heavy because people jumped away instead of catching me. I fell right on my tailbone. FML

by lekijkerd / 11/17/2012 at 8:56am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Health

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

by joe / 11/18/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm / Latvia (Riga) / Work

Today, after spending 3 hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML

by racking-leaves / 11/14/2012 at 2:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous