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Sunday 11 November 2012

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Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML

by Kyle / 11/09/2012 at 1:57am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

by scaredinnyc / 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

by nolove / 11/14/2012 at 5:36am / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I had dinner with my grandparents. At the table, my grandfather openly complained about how hard it is for him to get out of their hot tub. Not because of his prosthetic leg, but because his balls somehow "get stuck". I really didn't need to know that. FML

by Miki13 / 11/11/2012 at 3:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after clubbing with my girlfriend, we went to her place. She then threw up on the floor, and went to clean herself up. When she came back, she'd forgotten that she'd just thrown up. She blamed me for puking, and kicked me out. It was 4:00 am and a 3-hour walk home. FML

by Med / 11/13/2012 at 7:02am / Netherlands (Groningen) / Love

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

by anon / 11/07/2012 at 6:28pm / United States / Health

Today, as my girlfriend and I were finishing up a romantic dinner, she gazed into my eyes for a moment and said, "You know, sometimes you look like a character from Sesame Street." FML

by derve / 11/07/2012 at 6:48pm / United States / Love

Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2012 at 9:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went to Target with my dad, and he told me to get in the shopping cart. I thought he was being cool and wanted to push me around. He snorted and said he was thinking about crashing me into a car and suing the driver. FML

by creys / 11/18/2012 at 2:04am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

by sarahhbear / 11/17/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she found out I share a birthday with a fictional character who is "untrustworthy" and has a "dark side", so therefore I can't be trusted either. FML

by B-Rad / 11/15/2012 at 12:48am / United States / Love

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

by poro123 / 11/05/2012 at 12:39am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

by myleghurts / 11/12/2012 at 1:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health