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Sunday 11 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

#20160279
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34557) - you deserved it (6216)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19927) - you deserved it (6415)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML

#20159880
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35352) - you deserved it (2228)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:12am - misc - by BulldogHoops - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my family was celebrating my grandma's 90th birthday. I pulled a little prank and got candles that keep relighting. After a few blows, my grandma fainted. FML

#20164153
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10378) - you deserved it (46462)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22180) - you deserved it (2992)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

#20166401
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27225) - you deserved it (5573)

On 11/17/2012 at 8:34am - love - by schooyou101 - United States (Kansas)

Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML

#20154716
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30269) - you deserved it (2366)

On 11/08/2012 at 6:09am - kids - by Shauna (woman) - United States

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

#20161095
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23935) - you deserved it (3998)

On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

#20167793
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33893) - you deserved it (3442)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

#20158567
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27036) - you deserved it (2744)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:10am - animals - by kitty - Australia

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

#20149912
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33864) - you deserved it (4614)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)



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