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Sunday 4 November 2012

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Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

by SadExperiment / 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

by kitty / 11/11/2012 at 5:10am / Australia / Animals

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

by Ugggggggggg / 11/06/2012 at 12:11am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

by you / 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

by mayerstexmex69 / 11/08/2012 at 10:52am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

by john r.t. / 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, in the middle of a hot air balloon ride with my girlfriend, I asked her to marry me. She said no. The rest of the ride was the most awkward 2 hours of my life. FML

by Tj Hunt / 11/04/2012 at 10:26pm / United States / Love

Today, I was told that my insurance will no longer cover my birth control as it's deemed "unnecessary" for a man, which, according to them, I've been since August. I'm definitely still a woman. FML

by pheebs314 / 11/07/2012 at 4:16pm / United States (Washington) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

by NotAnExcuse / 11/07/2012 at 12:58am / United States / Transportation

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

by sadness1992 / 11/06/2012 at 1:07pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a blind date at a local restaurant. When my date walked in, she took one look at me, said "nope", and walked out. FML

by Anonymous / 11/05/2012 at 2:21pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML