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Tuesday 30 October 2012

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Today, I had surgery on my arm. My mom has recently had the same surgery and my dad is having his first rib removed and won't be able to move his arm. My family combined now has three functioning arms. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 1:08am / United States (Arizona) / Health

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 KM away to get away from them. FML

by OhLovely / 10/31/2012 at 9:39pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

by 123alleyesonme / 11/02/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 12:24am / United States (New Mexico) / Love

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

by hiccups / 11/03/2012 at 11:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

by markderanjer / 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Love

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

by coolguy / 11/06/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

by anon / 10/31/2012 at 12:22am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

by sad / 11/05/2012 at 2:02am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML

by tcm123 / 10/29/2012 at 12:31am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, after nearly a year of headaches and fuzzy vision, I went to the eye doctor. It turns out I've had my contacts in the wrong eyes for a year. FML

by Midnightpearls / 11/02/2012 at 11:39am / United States / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I looked up the side effects of the antidepressants I've recently started taking. Inability to orgasm is one of them. I can either not be depressed, or I can have an orgasm. FML

by HappinessOrOrgasms / 11/05/2012 at 2:25pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2012 at 2:18am / United States / Love