Tuesday 30 October 2012 
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Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20325) - you deserved it (3154)
Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15846) - you deserved it (1635)
On 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm - animals - by creedonfied - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21275) - you deserved it (1790)
On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)
Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15611) - you deserved it (4918)
On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7252) - you deserved it (27822)
On 11/06/2012 at 12:15am - intimacy - by coolguy (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14792) - you deserved it (1807)
On 11/06/2012 at 4:32am - work - by iLuvsIt (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 KM away to get away from them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21263) - you deserved it (1225)
On 10/31/2012 at 9:39pm - misc - by OhLovely (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22015) - you deserved it (1548)
On 11/01/2012 at 7:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, maintenance came to fix the constantly beeping alarm system near my apartment. They changed it from beeping on-and-off to one never-ending beep, similar to the sound of my sanity flat-lining. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14926) - you deserved it (812)
On 10/29/2012 at 12:31am - misc - by tcm123 - United States (Illinois)
Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13374) - you deserved it (2605)
On 10/31/2012 at 1:09pm - animals - by NotSpiderman (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13585) - you deserved it (28858)
On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States
Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15285) - you deserved it (930)
On 10/30/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35773) - you deserved it (1345)
On 11/01/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)
Monday 20 May 2013
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