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Sunday 28 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

#20147303
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18508) - you deserved it (1905)

On 11/04/2012 at 1:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

#20144136
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6294) - you deserved it (23836)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:35am - work - by Hornymuch (woman) - Germany

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19980) - you deserved it (5066)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

#20133698
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23729) - you deserved it (1899)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:38am - kids - by familyofpsychos - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my mom decided to wake me up by pouring ice cold water on my face. Again. FML

#20136629
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18943) - you deserved it (3796)

On 10/28/2012 at 6:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after a week of looking for my car keys and being forced to drag my family around on public transportation, my wife found the keys in our car's ignition. FML

#20142914
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6197) - you deserved it (27034)

On 11/01/2012 at 1:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

#20147226
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17912) - you deserved it (11681)

On 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, there was a horrible smell in my kitchen. I tried to find the source, but failed and had to leave for the day. That night, my brother informed me that the smell was coming from a dead mouse stuck in our toaster. FML

#20131308
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20389) - you deserved it (1715)

On 10/24/2012 at 1:35pm - animals - by 12693 - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML

#20132312
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23724) - you deserved it (16459)

On 10/25/2012 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

#20133994
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7120) - you deserved it (29472)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:24am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

#20141026
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20479) - you deserved it (9152)

On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

#20145916
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23113) - you deserved it (4937)

On 11/03/2012 at 3:42pm - health - by WeddingWoes (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML

#20132044
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8372) - you deserved it (28672)

On 10/24/2012 at 10:36pm - money - by onlyme (woman) - United States



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