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Sunday 28 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

#20138170
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7413) - you deserved it (16173)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

#20144932
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26723) - you deserved it (3630)

On 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I decided to delete my Facebook account. My older sister repeatedly called me in tears asking why I'm cutting her out of my life. It seems I can't get rid of social media without my family taking offence. FML

#20145432
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15059) - you deserved it (1422)

On 11/03/2012 at 6:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I finally found a cute dress that hugged my curves and hid my imperfections. I wore it to my friend's house, and was feeling pretty good about myself, until some pregnant woman walked into the room wearing the exact same thing. It was a maternity dress. FML

#20128171
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18037) - you deserved it (4623)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:09pm - misc - by preggersmcgee (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

#20143873
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22432) - you deserved it (3256)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:17am - love - by 123alleyesonme - United States (Texas)

Today, I work on a cruise ship, and I just learned that we have a morgue on board. How did I learn that? It's right next to the crew laundry room, and I opened the wrong door. It was occupied. FML

#20147788
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14722) - you deserved it (1218)

On 11/04/2012 at 7:02pm - work - by CircusSea (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21759) - you deserved it (3879)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

#20141262
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19686) - you deserved it (2553)

On 10/31/2012 at 2:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had a job interview for a job I've been dying to have. As I'm walking into the office, the manager says, "Aren't you my son's ex, the one he cheated on?" All I could do was sit there quietly as he laughed at me. FML

#20129479
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20850) - you deserved it (1411)

On 10/23/2012 at 3:54am - work - by emilyparra1 - United States (Florida)

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

#20133924
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21080) - you deserved it (1704)

On 10/26/2012 at 5:40am - misc - by davifilo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

#20139648
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3892) - you deserved it (15082)

On 10/30/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by embarassedmuch - United States

Today, I realized why it's a bad idea to store your business cards and your "emergency condom" in the same handbag compartment. I realized this after a client watched me miss the cards and pull out the condom after our lunch meeting. FML

#20144136
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4959) - you deserved it (19678)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:35am - work - by Hornymuch (woman) - Germany

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

#20132231
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18290) - you deserved it (912)

On 10/25/2012 at 12:37am - health - by allison_fishing - United States



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