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Sunday 28 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was taking a walk with a girl I really like. Trying to impress her, I mentioned I'd just learned how to do a front flip, and she told me to prove it. I did the flip, but stumbled forward on the landing and smacked head-first into a pole. She's still laughing. FML

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30722) - you deserved it (5933)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

#20146254
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28672) - you deserved it (2949)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - love - by markderanjer (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, saying I had a lot on my plate. She responded by throwing an empty plate at my windshield. FML

#20138170
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10770) - you deserved it (25591)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:46am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

#20146253
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6313) - you deserved it (30977)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by justcomesnaturally (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22733) - you deserved it (2175)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went out to a restaurant with a girl I have been dating. The only conversation was about how proud she was of her fart during work earlier, and how she managed to clear out a section of the office. FML

#20133872
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19021) - you deserved it (2682)

On 10/26/2012 at 3:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

#20129779
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19066) - you deserved it (2996)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:26pm - animals - by buccaneer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, despite my pain, my mom still refuses to take me to a foot doctor because, "They all have foot fetishes." FML

#20132061
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21796) - you deserved it (1405)

On 10/24/2012 at 10:44pm - health - by illjustlimpthen (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

#20143873
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29092) - you deserved it (4560)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:17am - love - by 123alleyesonme - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

#20144932
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36952) - you deserved it (5402)

On 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27905) - you deserved it (3133)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29763) - you deserved it (4717)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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