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Sunday 28 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

#20145795
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31556) - you deserved it (3329)

On 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

#20136801
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16915) - you deserved it (3624)

On 10/28/2012 at 10:53am - kids - by friedbutter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

#20141794
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21328) - you deserved it (3184)

On 10/31/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24499) - you deserved it (1718)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML

#20141343
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21028) - you deserved it (2773)

On 10/31/2012 at 6:06am - misc - by hakuna matata - United States (California)

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

#20135671
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8117) - you deserved it (30327)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

#20142541
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28447) - you deserved it (6189)

On 11/01/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by okay._. - United States (California)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

#20144510
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29026) - you deserved it (7245)

On 11/02/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

#20134273
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23437) - you deserved it (2277)

On 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by fiftyshardsofbroccoli (woman) - United States

Today, my dad was teaching me how to drive. He told me that stop signs with white outlines are "optional." I ran through the next one I saw and got pulled over by a cop. My dad is making me pay the ticket for being "that stupid." Thanks dad. FML

#20129645
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9612) - you deserved it (32710)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:19am - money - by Dinger1992 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

#20131351
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16145) - you deserved it (43972)

On 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

#20136326
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21758) - you deserved it (4664)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by Ceej - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the Natural History Museum with my boyfriend. While we were standing in front of real dinosaur bones, he told me he didn't believe in dinosaurs. FML

#20130407
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20776) - you deserved it (2359)

On 10/23/2012 at 9:19pm - love - by SFra - United States



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