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Sunday 21 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32938) - you deserved it (4901)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28140) - you deserved it (3443)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27880) - you deserved it (7084)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34247) - you deserved it (19361)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

#20128340
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29245) - you deserved it (5172)

On 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by jesushelpme (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32779) - you deserved it (6462)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

#20127252
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6774) - you deserved it (54872)

On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52128) - you deserved it (2795)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23714) - you deserved it (5207)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment for her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room for hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML

#20117570
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28169) - you deserved it (9575)

On 10/15/2012 at 12:07am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

#20136351
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32353) - you deserved it (2627)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML

#20136682
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20552) - you deserved it (3219)

On 10/28/2012 at 8:29am - work - by radioinvader (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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