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Monday 16 April 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

#19482788
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24457) - you deserved it (1904)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML

#19509709
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20716) - you deserved it (7959)

On 04/22/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by ultraattitude - United States (California)

Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML

#19490705
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19422) - you deserved it (4284) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm - work - by bibou2324 -

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33473) - you deserved it (2675)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

#19486028
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28496) - you deserved it (2406)

On 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm - intimacy - by lindsaykay - United States

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

#19514689
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21725) - you deserved it (3610)

On 04/23/2012 at 12:04am - love - by gottalovefriends - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was having a hard time waking up. When I sat down for breakfast, my chair rocked backwards. I reflexively grabbed out at something to hold on to. Unfortunately, I grabbed the cereal box that was on the table. FML

#19487971
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14781) - you deserved it (2111) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/18/2012 at 12:38am - misc - by Fillifilo (woman) - France

Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML

#19477249
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38176) - you deserved it (3719)

On 04/16/2012 at 4:12am - intimacy - by oface13 (man) - United States

Today, while looking through my wedding photos, I realised my wife had done a duck face in every single one. FML

#19496136
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31757) - you deserved it (4284)

On 04/19/2012 at 3:46pm - love - by caaarl (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

#19517748
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10323) - you deserved it (34330)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm - misc - by pathetic (man) - Poland (Mazowieckie)

Today, I found out my boyfriend and I have more in common than I thought. We both are sexually attracted to men. FML

#19489790
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32781) - you deserved it (2282)

On 04/18/2012 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by caitlinz5 (woman) - United States (New York)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

#19477663
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20183) - you deserved it (2555)

On 04/16/2012 at 8:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

#19505040
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16917) - you deserved it (3133)

On 04/21/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by jaderie - Australia (New South Wales)



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