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November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

#20953649
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40515) - you deserved it (2401)

On 11/11/2013 at 5:36am - work - by shut up. - New Zealand

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

#20961005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44296) - you deserved it (3538)

On 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm - kids - by :( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61839) - you deserved it (4243)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

#20941762
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19890) - you deserved it (47437)

On 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm - health - by nl4 (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44300) - you deserved it (4673)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37348) - you deserved it (3277)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

#20964867
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34394) - you deserved it (6875)

On 11/20/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by 43_clothespins_later (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

#20967242
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41830) - you deserved it (4228)

On 11/22/2013 at 8:08pm - love - by quit fucking up my life (woman) - United States (Alaska)



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