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September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

#20865686
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58816) - you deserved it (4192)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:30am - intimacy - by poolgirl789 (woman) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, after my grandma did some early Halloween costume shopping, I witnessed her modeling a "sexy nurse" outfit. After seeing her bare thighs and most of her ass, I don't think I can eat cottage cheese ever again. FML

#20868804
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45909) - you deserved it (4391)

On 09/05/2013 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by fuck my liBLARGHSLJNAdlajdSzxz (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I got home from work and found my dog missing. When I asked my neighbor if she saw what happened, I saw my dog sleeping on her couch. She tried to say it was hers. FML

#20868590
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48500) - you deserved it (2620)

On 09/05/2013 at 7:02am - animals - by GotMyBitchBack - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56222) - you deserved it (3248)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

#20888238
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44113) - you deserved it (12184)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)

Today, the girl I like sent me a nude photo of herself. Being a photographer, all I could think about was how grainy the photo was, and the various ways it could be fixed. FML

#20889340
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43267) - you deserved it (19273)

On 09/20/2013 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in a fit of jealousy over my recent muscle growth, my brother told our mom that I've only been going to the gym so I could smoke weed with my friends. She believed him and grounded me. FML

#20899473
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40106) - you deserved it (2530)

On 09/28/2013 at 5:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57331) - you deserved it (4568)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, as I started my car, I heard the most horrific sounds coming from the engine. When I lifted the hood I realized I'd found my son's cat. FML

Today, my car window got smashed, because someone somehow confused the doll my daughter always leaves strapped into a carseat for an actual kid. It's a cabbage patch kid. FML

#20867513
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46426) - you deserved it (3653)

On 09/04/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by mother to an ugly doll - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I waited in the pouring rain for my wife to come pick me up from work. It was only after I was thoroughly drenched that I remembered it was my wife's day off, and that I drove myself to work earlier in her car, which was parked fifty feet from where I was waiting. FML

#20883919
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37354) - you deserved it (40276)

On 09/16/2013 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

#20874714
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41090) - you deserved it (11030)

On 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by heyhijello - United States (California)

Today, the creepy kid on the bus saved me a seat again. Thinking he wanted to be friends, I followed him on twitter. He was doing a live video feed so I checked it out. It was of me. FML



FML's blog

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Thursday 11 September 2014

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