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August 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

#20859438
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27697) - you deserved it (41597)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:16pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my hamster had babies. I came home just in time to witness her kick the mutilated bodies of her two babies out of her house, then crawl back in and go to sleep. Now my sister refuses to touch her and calls her a "baby-eating demon." FML

#20818742
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43291) - you deserved it (4048)

On 08/03/2013 at 1:59pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

#20852629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56387) - you deserved it (7393)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, my girlfriend texted me "I think we should move in". Then, ten seconds later she sent another text that said, "Sorry, typo. Move on". FML

Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML

#20819263
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44033) - you deserved it (6662)

On 08/03/2013 at 8:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

#20856159
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36588) - you deserved it (20104)

On 08/27/2013 at 3:21am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I caught my sister eating crayons. She's 19. FML

#20858152
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41312) - you deserved it (2948)

On 08/28/2013 at 5:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I finally accepted my grandma's friend request on Facebook. I commented on a family photo album she'd uploaded, joking that the quality would greatly improve once she added pictures of me. My comment was met with, "Shut up you sewage rat". FML

#20857055
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40736) - you deserved it (7957)

On 08/27/2013 at 9:29pm - misc - by sweetnan (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, my girlfriend convinced me to do some bedroom roleplay, and we decided on acting out a job interview scenario. I suggestively told her that if she wanted to get the job, she'd have to use her mouth on something else first. She called me a pig and ended the roleplay right there. FML

#20818899
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55984) - you deserved it (8344)

On 08/03/2013 at 4:01pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Portugal

Today, I suggestively asked my boyfriend to take a shower with me. He got in, washed himself, and got out, ignoring me the whole time. FML

#20852722
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53387) - you deserved it (7702)

On 08/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by -.- - United States

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

#20849812
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41056) - you deserved it (2942)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm - work - by Awkward - United States

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

#20815203
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56046) - you deserved it (3714)

On 08/01/2013 at 12:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for no real reason via text message. A few hours later, she updated her relationship status on Facebook to "in a relationship." Her new "boyfriend"? Her cat. A mutual friend commented, "Well, he's better than that idiot you had before." FML

#20816836
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51939) - you deserved it (5674)

On 08/02/2013 at 10:53am - love - by tkghan (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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