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April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60817) - you deserved it (20282)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50694) - you deserved it (10878)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32817) - you deserved it (112692)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

#20617044
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82383) - you deserved it (4296)

On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47491) - you deserved it (4891)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

#20577178
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52689) - you deserved it (5799)

On 04/06/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by confusedcatlover (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

#20598564
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65982) - you deserved it (12673)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

#20583013
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52695) - you deserved it (11905)

On 04/10/2013 at 12:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

#20572069
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22617) - you deserved it (66237)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:52pm - misc - by SayCheese - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked in on my brother giving his best friend a hand-job. I can't unsee this. FML

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

#20579781
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15510) - you deserved it (59856)

On 04/07/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by maturity - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

#20613218
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50416) - you deserved it (8167)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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