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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40951) - you deserved it (8184)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

#20505216
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42790) - you deserved it (3277)

On 02/13/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by okay then (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

#20521664
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32335) - you deserved it (8103)

On 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm - kids - by soaked (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44343) - you deserved it (13087)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

#20518354
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30586) - you deserved it (2993)

On 02/23/2013 at 1:28am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

#20493004
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56216) - you deserved it (3676)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

#20496085
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20868) - you deserved it (38317)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by dab1230 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML

#20511821
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18956) - you deserved it (47095)

On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

#20496769
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42050) - you deserved it (2594)

On 02/07/2013 at 4:51am - misc - by fviz (woman) - United States

Today, I was talking to an attractive guy, but I was so nervous that I got tongue-tied and then blurted out, "Stupid autocorrect." FML

#20501923
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17583) - you deserved it (29439)

On 02/11/2013 at 3:57am - misc - by tongue tied - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

#20490582
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51170) - you deserved it (3559)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, while I was babysitting, the little girl wanted to show me a picture that her mom had just sent to the family iPad via iMessage. Trying to be helpful, I clicked iMessage, only to see pictures of her father's erect penis. She won't stop asking about the "hotdog" in the picture. FML

#20509000
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35002) - you deserved it (3314)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03am - kids - by Scarlett (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was dragged to a Super Bowl party. While there, the host's kid threw 3 cups of apple sauce at my feet, which then exploded and covered my jeans. 10 minutes later, the host's wife announced that she was pregnant with twins. All I could come up with was, "You're making more!?" FML

#20492510
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36009) - you deserved it (6174)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:15am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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